- the.philosophy.of.a.smile -

I smiled at him with all the courtsey i could gather from my broken heart,then slowly strechted my lovely anathomy,enjoying his look on me.I felt his breath so close,but yet so far.I gazed at him wondering what he is thinking.I gently licked my lips,teasing him.Just a bit.He was looking at me with tht look in his eyes i always adored.He wants me.Now.Well,not this time.I stood up and walked to him.He was still staring at me.Did he expect me to cry?Did i expect tht too?I didnt cry.Not this time.I looked at him,in his eyes,were those tears?I walked around him and whispered 'Bye'.He didnt even turn.He answered 'Bye'.Simple as that.I carefully walked out of the room and looked down.I saw a tear roll down my cheek.As i rushed to brush it off i realised.Im completly broken.I trusted him.Just the other day he was telling me how happy he will make me.Still,i smiled and told myself ill be fine.In the same second came that terrible thought i was supressing.'I cant live without him'.Another tear.Damn.I forced myself not to think of it.So i walked out of the building,into the bright lively street.So many lives.I will be fine.Silly me.Ofcourse i can live without him.One more tear.Fuck it.I lifted my hand to rub it off.Suddenly i stoped.I let it roll.Along with some more.Pretty much a lot more.I was crying.Crap.I thought i was more strong.'I was,with him'.I hate my fucking head sometimes.I chased those thoughts away.Again.Then i slowly started walking down the street.To the sun.There was a song in my head.'I am not afraid to keep on living,I am not afraid to walk this world alone,Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiving,Nothing you can say can stop me going home'.Yes.Ill be fine.Im going home.Ill find my happiness somewhere else.But i knew...
I knew its not over.It will never be.I love him.<i>